Sometimes, finding what to say on Sunday is a struggle.  You want it to be God’s word and you are not hearing it.  This is the part where I sometimes stick in the story

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon…..

“How do you know what to say?” the little boy asked.

“Why, God tells me.

“Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?”

Then sometimes, you wake up in the middle of the night and the thoughts are keeping you awake so you have to get up and write them down.  Then you know that it might be the thought that God has sent you. So Thursday morning, about 4 am, I had one of those mornings.  It started out about skills that God has given us.  Some of us are blessed with the skill to run faster than others.  Some are blessed with the ability to play three chess games at once and win.  Others can hit a golf ball in a straight line every time.  That same fast runner can’t dribble a ball so he will never be a star soccer player.  The chess master can’t communicate away from a chess board and the golfer can’t putt at all.  God gives us skills.  The missing skills are things that we have to train because even the greatest soccer players go to practice.  I was at a prayer breakfast a few years ago and I had taken notes, but one thing had stuck in my mind that morning.  The Army Chaplain said “People with poor forgiveness skills have poor relationship skills.  So I fired up the laptop and prepared to write since I wanted to look up scripture that talks about forgiveness. The weirdest thing happened.  I had been working on a wedding ceremony for someone and when I opened Microsoft Word, it didn’t go to a blank document like it is supposed to.  It opened my draft wedding ceremony.  Certain things stuck in my mind when I read through the draft about relationships.  Let’s be honest.  Everyone is so excited about being at a wedding, most of them don’t remember a word that the Pastor says after “Dearly beloved, we are gathered together “except “I now pronounce you man and wife”.

But there is more in the ceremony that is important:  It starts by mentioning that marriage is an honorable estate, instituted by God, and representing to us that mystical union between Christ and His church.

Next there is the first scripture reading.  The 1^st READING that I usually recommend is based on true love that is at the heart of marriage.  It is the focus of the ceremony.  Many have attempted to define love.  Perhaps the most popular, and most profound of these definitions comes from the Bible in Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians.  I Corinthians 12:31 – 13:8 “If I do not have love, I gain nothing. But strive for the greater gifts.  And I will show you a still more excellent way.

If I speak in tongues of mortals and of angels,

but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all the mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 

If I give away all my possessions, and I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in the truth. 

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”

Now some Bible translations say Love never fails instead of Love never ends.  Same thought but different. 

Then I do “A WORD TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM” That is the part in our ceremony today where I address HIM and HER personally and give to them some pastoral advice as they prepare to make their vows to one another.

I talk about how long they have known each other and they are finally there. Something that I always try and include is:

Today marks a new beginning, as you start a new life together. Focus on your love for each other. Focus on your trust in each other. And focus on your commitment to each other and your commitment to your marriage.  That’s what it takes.

Some people say that marriage is a 50/50 proposition, both individuals meeting half way. Well, they’re wrong. It is not 50/50, it’s 100/100. Both of you need to give your marriage 100% of your effort and 100% commitment.  I sometimes look at Jo Ann and wonder why she would pick me.  It is easy for that become jealousy, but you need to remember the feelings that often come with love – those warm and fuzzies that you experienced when you first met, and those feelings you are experiencing today – they come and they go. Don’t let your feelings dictate the outcome of your marriage. It is your commitment to each other that will sustain you.  Give it 100%.  And I know you will.  You see there are old relationships and new relationships.  Young relationships and old people relationships.  My son, Chris, has a new, young relationship and I try to coach him.  Old ones need prayer because parents/coaches are gone. 

The we talk about looking at the examples and the heritage that your parents/mentors  are passing on to you.  Is it going to be easy?  No.  Was it easy for them?  Not at all.  In marriage, are you going to disagree and fight?  Absolutely.  Have you heard your parents disagree and fight?  We don’t need to be giving away the family secrets today, but everyone does.  Does that mean you are not meant for each other?  Absolutely not.  It simply means you don’t agree, and that’s a good thing.  Someone once said if two people always agree about everything, one of them is unnecessary.  Remember that.

You see, opposites attract, they date, they get married, and spend the rest of their lives trying to change the other person to be just like them.  That’s not a marriage – that’s a living hell.

Instead, accept the fact that you are opposite in so many ways and use it to your advantage in your marriage.  Allow your differences to complete each other.  You see, HER skills complement his weaknesses and HIS skills complement her weaknesses. Rely on each other’s strengths, and together you will be strong.  You can run fast AND dribble the ball. You can drive and putt. That is a perfect marriage.  May your love continue to grow. May your commitment endure, and may your home be filled with love, happiness, honest communication, and commitment to work through the difficulties.

Next is a second scripture, but they are always very different – just like all marriages.  One wedding didn’t want a 2^nd scripture but a poem. 

Then you do all the vows and ring stuff and say you are now man and wife.  A marriage takes time and patience to unlock all the ingredients that will take you to its threshold; it is a continual learning process that demands a lot of work . . . but the rewards are more than worth the effort.  The forgiveness part is important and it is a skill that we need to practice every day.  A Church has many reasons for existing, but a Christian Church should focus on one thing.  Jesus Christ came in the form of man to explain his Father’s message to us.  He died for our sins so that we would be forgiven.  His Father’s message is centered on a greater explanation of the message that God gave to Moses.  The message that Jesus brought was an explanation of all these messages.  The concept of our Lord’s Prayer says many of them.  Our biggest challenges are “lead us not into temptation” and “forgive those who trespass against us”.  Forgiveness is so hard.  To judge is God’s right.  It is clearly stated in the Bible:  “Judge not lest you be judged” (Matthew 7:1-3).  So let HIM do it. His Son died in order to intercede in that judgment.  If our life goal is to emulate Jesus, then we must too be forgiving.  If someone is truly sorry, God will forgive them.  Our forgiveness is not as powerful as God’s but we must still try to do as Jesus would want us to do.  If Jesus can ask his Father for forgiveness for the people who killed his mortal body, can we do less than try to be forgiving to those who trespass against us?  If you a reminder for that remember the six year old saying the Our Father and talking about trash: “And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us.”

Here is the big question for many Christians: The practical minded Christian often asks the question: How far can I forgive before people start walking all over me? If I always forgive people, will they continue to take advantage of me? The answer is as simple as the old atheist question: Can God make a rock so big that he cannot pick it up? The believer’s answer is: Yes! The answer to the question about forgiveness is the same. A true believer knows that they must not judge people – that is for God. Forgive and do not judge whether people are taking advantage of you. That is very very hard. I know for me that I probably can’t, but I CAN PRAY that I will always try AND keep trying. This is the true message.  To forgive the trash passers.

Lord, today my prayer is to ask for peace and understanding.  Help all people of the world understand our hope for peace. Our help comes from you, the maker of heaven and earth.  Help us to be tolerant of others who have not come to your altar yet, especially those who are so close.  Help them to understand that forgiveness comes only through Jesus and only through Jesus may we come to forgiveness.  We are tempted every day by the evil things of the world.  Dear Lord, give me strength to resist them and do the things that you want me to do and be the person that you want us to be.  Help us to improve our skills every day.